Don’t Try This at Home – A Detailed Life Inventory

As a recovering scientist I feel an intense need to quantify absolutely everything.  So I’ve decided to quantify and grade my life.  Yes, I know that some people might say that there are things in life that can’t be quantified, but I think that’s just a load of crap.  For example, I remember when  I was a kid and someone would ask me how much I loved them. I would hold out my hands a distance apart and say “this much.”  I think I was on to something.  Do I love someone only a foot? Or maybe eighteen inches?

I have divided my life into 4 areas, each worth 25 points (clever how I made it add up to 100, isn’t it) and then scored myself within each category based on how I think I’m doing.

Personal Relationships (15/25)

I’ve divided this up into three sub categories: family, friends, and romantic relationships each worth 8 points. (I also gave myself a free point for bearing my emotional soul on the internet to a few complete strangers).

Family: 5/8

My family has been a huge source of love and support throughout my life.  Unfortunately I live across the country from them and so we don’t get together as often as I’d like.  I also took off a point or two because lately we haven’t been taking very much and when we do, my mom would rather talk about the weather, her knitting group, or what she’s had for lunch than hear what’s going on in my life.  Although those are all incredibly important and fascinating topics it’s kind of depressing.

Friends: 7/8

I’m very lucky to have a group of very close friends who are amazing.  They patiently listen to my ranting and raving and pretend to laugh at my jokes.

Romantic relationship: 2/8

This is definitely an area of my life that sucks.  I’m living with my boyfriend of 6 years but I’m planning to move to another city for my internship and I’m not sure what the future holds for us.  Plus it seems like everyone and their mother is getting engaged and married right now, which just reminds me of the instability of my current situation.

Finance & Career (12/25)

Finance 1/12

I have zero money saved toward retirement (and I assume that social security won’t exist by the time I retire).  By the time I finish school I’ll have over 200k in debt.  Based on some back of the envelope calculations, if  I pay $3000 per month it’ll take about 10 years to pay off!  It’s insane.  I’ve decided to invest in lottery tickets and learning how to count cards for blackjack.

Career 10/12

I’ve got an internship lined up for the summer at a top company and as long as I don’t mess up it will lead to a great job that pays well, although nothing can pay well enough to take care of that kind of student debt.

Physical Health (20/25)

At first I was going to give myself a 25/25 because I work out a decent amount, usually eat sort of reasonably, and quit smoking a few years ago.   Plus I was getting depressed after thinking about the student loans (see above) and I wanted to give myself a high rating in at least one category.  But then I had to deduct some points because 1. I haven’t been to a doctor for a checkup in about 5 years 2. I haven’t been to the dentist in about.. brace yourself… 8 years 3. I’ve had chronic hives for the last 7 years and 4. I’m super weak and unable to open jars without the aid of someone of the male persuasion.

Happiness & Mental Health (16/25)

I’m turning 30, I have a few grey hairs, no money and a ton of debt and my romantic relationship leaves something to be desired so I’m not doing cartwheels down the hall.  On the other hand, I’ve been putting lots of energy into the things that do make me happy like exercising and spending time with friends.  I think that I’ve learned how to deal with stress pretty well (although the chronic hives might suggest otherwise).  Areas for improvement include my glass-half-empty attitude, feeling gratitude, and expressing empathy towards others.

Total: 63/100 D

I’d say that this pretty accurately reflects where I am right now.  Things aren’t terrible but they could be a lot better. Going through this exercise has actually helped me to think about specific things that I’d like to improve and has also caused me to recognized the many things in my life that I’m happy about.

The first step to solving problems is to identify them.  Sometimes that’s the hardest part – looking yourself in the mirror and seeing your real self, warts and all.

Psychopathic Murderer – What Can a Personality Test Reveal About My Flaws?

Before I embark on what can only be described as an epic journey of self discovery and self improvement, I think that it makes sense to take inventory.  That way that I can figure out exactly what I’m working with and I’ll get a better idea of what I need to improve.  The first way that I’ve taken inventory is through personal assessment tests.  A close friend suggested the Enneagram test, which has some scientific testing to back it up.  I took the 10 minute free test that has 36 questions.

The Enneagram Institute

 First of all, this was not a 10 minute test for me.  I had trouble answering almost every single question which suggests something that I’d feared – I have absolutely no clue who I am.  I don’t know whether I like to be alone or in groups, whether I like to fit in or stand out, or whether I like my margaritas on the rocks or blended. 

According to the test I am a number 3, “the Achiever.”  3s are are: “The Success-Oriented, Pragmatic Type: Adaptive, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious.”  After reading this description I was absolutely thrilled – apparently I am well on my way to becoming the next president, astronaut, or at least someone with a full time job.

There’s some bad news though, I might also be a sociopathic murderer.  Yes that’s right. According to this system there are 9 levels of development, 1 being the healthiest and 9 being the least healthy. For each personality type, there are characteristics associated with each level.  Since I’m having a life-crisis I just went ahead and skipped levels 1-3 because those are for high functioning individuals.

• Level 4 – “highly concerned with success” – Probably fits, after all, I have a blog about self improvement.
• Level 5 – “losing touch with their own feelings beneath a smooth facade”  – Actually, I wish that this one were true. Unfortunately I don’t think that my facade is very smooth right now as evidenced by my taking a “mental health” day off last week.
• Level 6 – “Arrogance and contempt for others is a defense against feeling jealous of others and their success.”  I don’t think that I am arrogant but I am definitely jealous of others’ success – for example, secretly cursing all of my newly engaged Facebook friends and hoping that their marriages fail.
• Level 7 – “Willing to do whatever it takes to preserve the illusion of their superiority”  This doesn’t fit. I seriously doubt that anyone has an illusion of my superiority at this point.  (See above “mental health day”)
• Level 8 – “Untrustworthy, maliciously betraying or sabotaging people to triumph over them. Delusionally jealous of others”  Yes on the jealousy, possibly yes on the maliciously betraying (that’s for another post).
• Level 9 – “Psychopathic, murder. Generally corresponds to the Narcissistic Personality Disorder.” I haven’t committed murder, yet.  Although from time-to-time I contemplate lighting my boyfriend’s cat on fire.

The test confirmed that I’m driven, image conscious  and that I have a strong need for the approval of others.  As far as my mental health, I’d say that I’m somewhere between a 8-4 on the scale of development, meaning that I’m not a sociopath but there is plenty of room for improvement.  Lucky for me the website also has personal growth suggestions for number 3s.

Onward to being the best number 3 that I can be.